"I fell IN LOVE with the very person who FIRST LOVED
me through the person I FIRST LOVED"
People would always say that their first love is God as unholy as it may make me sound he wasn't the first person I FELL IN LOVE WITH, however he is the NUMBER 1 person I will always love.
My first love, unfortunately was unrequited.
He was the first guy whoever stood out to me in my eyes. He showed me that it is possible for a guy to be actually devoted to God at such a young age. At first I just admired how he stayed to his ministry and continued to put God first even in the midst of a relationship he was in with a girlfriend. Through this I became interested in this God he is serving whom he always kept his eyes on and always put first even when the temporary happiness of being with the one you feel all the butterfly and awe feelings with is already right in front of him. As I continued to admire him I began to improve on myself hoping one day that someone as godly as him would love me just as he loves his girlfriend.
(note that I never felt bitter/ jealous or superior to his girlfriend during that time, but rather happy at their relationship, it gave me hope)
So as time passed by he broke up with his girlfriend and I began to like him. I loved being around him and I loved laughing and annoying him, teasing each other brought us closer and aswell as our faith in God. Every single time i saw him my heart would feel fluttery, every class i had with him I always looked forward to. He was always there for me through my most challenging seasons of my relationship with God and through the lost of a loved one. I thought he treated me special because he always sat next to me in class and in recess, but i guess it was just how he treated everybody. One day when he felt comfortable with me he shared to me the first girl he's liked since he broke up with his ex-girlfriend. As painful as it was I kept my cool and continued to like him, despite how painful it was every time he talked to me about her. This continued moving on to other girls for 4 years until the start of 2013. Where my greatest turning point of my heart came to be.
On a car ride on the way to drop me home we stopped by a park near my house to talk and catch up. He told me of course about a new girl he liked and how he believes that this is the girl whom he believes he can bring to his family with pride and joy. As we continued to talk about his past crushes he then asked me who my past crushes were. It was hard to bluff because there actually wasn't anyone apart from him.. so I gathered up my courage and said i LIKED him. Keeping his cool, he replied really? And jokingly walked away, came back and moved on to the next topic. The disappointed me expecting that maybe after i had disclose a secret which i've kept for 4 years he would at least say the closure i would like to hear, that at least at some point in that 4 years I had liked him, he to at some point liked me as well. Obviously, I was wrong and it broke my heart.
Later on the conversation the words that really ultimately made me gave up was.. when he told me he had planned to ask this new girl he liked out. In denial my eyes watered, however he did not notice. If he had actually ever liked me he would not have had thoughts of asking a girl out but rather still be at a phase of confusion and contemplation. So as this confirmed my unrequited love, he took me home. And as I walked to my bedroom I cried and gave my heart fully to the Lord, built my walls and ever since I have not liked anyone since then... and till this day he has no clue that I actually seriously liked him for such a long time.
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